The Small Moments In Life

You never responded to my messages as to why my last post made you really sad? I'm sorry that it saddened you. Babe, I never want to know or see you cry. I apologize but those are just thoughts I've had. I want to be completely honest with you. I always have and always will.

Is this love that I'm feeling,

Is this the love, that I've been searching for

Is this love, or am I dreaming

I do all this so I can get to be with you faster. Start our life together. Never leaving each others arms. You are my heaven, my paradise on this unholy soil.

4:30. I wish I was there right now, hearing your soft breaths as you sleep, the beautiful sound of your heart serenading me and warming my heart. Leaning in I'd kiss you softly as you stir. Then, as the night begins to disappear, your beautiful smile waking up the sun to shine upon us as we hold each other tight. Kissing your forehead then your nose, I'd tell you I love you, how beautiful you are, and how you mean the world to me; I'd kiss you softly back down till we are lying together basking in the morning sun, I'd know how lucky I am to have you in my life. Your heart beating its beautiful melody for me. My heart, belonging only to you. That is the morning I dream about. The morning I live for. To have those moments with you. For the rest of my... our life.

My Last Moments with You

11:00 p.m.
Just saw a guy buy those animal silly rubber bands you told me about that you bought/wear. I got both happy and sad at the same time, my heart lightened my life yet brought the realization back. I should be home right now talking to you. Not here at work doing overnights. Sometimes I wish I got fired so I HAD to go back home and school...

5:50 a.m. Finally a break. Tonight/Morning has seriously dragged. Every time I looked up I hoped for those magical numbers 8:00, hell even 7:00, that's when the next person comes in. Sadly every single time I'd look up, only minutes would pass. If I was lucky, perhaps an hour. To think I have to continue this till the end of the month before I get a chance to even try and get my sleep pattern back. Will I last that long? I've already been close to having a breakdown in and out of work. How much more can I take? How long before my fake smile doesn't work? [Yesterday] Lynda asked me who I'm going to live with when the lease is over. That is funny because Danny already made it clear it'd be them and Lynda's brother in one apartment and Tony, Michelle, and I in another. I'm not entirely sure Lynda knows about Danny's intentions. Oh well. What I'd wish to be able to say I have a dorm already waiting for me at Kent State.

/sigh 3 mins before I have to go back to this hell. I love you Ohio. Only you. Forever and Always. Those are the last words I'd say if I only had those moments to live.

I'll Be Your King, and you... You will be my Queen

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter

As long as I'm laughin' with you

I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after

After the life we've been through

'Cause I know there's no life after you

You and I, right or wrong, there's no other one

After this time I spent alone

It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind

Thinkin' 'bout the better times, must've been outta my mind

So I'm runnin' back to tell you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter

Without you God knows what I'd do, yeah

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter

As long as I'm laughin' with you

I'm thinkin' 'bout all that still matters is love ever after

After the life we've been through, yeah

Know there's no life after you

How is it possible I could care for you or, in time, the kids? I can't even control my life right now. I have a nowhere job. No schooling. No positive habits. I'm 21 years old with nothing to show for my life. I can't help you or even my mum. She is back home struggling to stay on top of things. I'm here doing the same. How can I help her when I can't do anything except the same thing she is doing? I came here to go to school, I've only stepped in college once, and it wasn't even to register. I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of only working. I hate to spend the whole day sleeping only to get up and go to work. I need my life in control. I need to know I can take care of you, my mum, and the kids. I need to know that truth. I really do, Ohio.

5:15 a.m. Finally a break, only 3 more hours and 15 minutes till I get to tell you I love you and miss you again. I was fixing stock around the store when I walked by the Father's Day aisle. I got a bit teary eyed thinking about our family. I want to be theirs and your rock. The foundation. I want them to be able to rely on me when things get hard. Most of all I want them to never have the life I had. I don't want them to know that life. I want them to have a better life. I need to control this life for them and you. I can't give you a Castle, but please, be my Queen?

The Gods will Shed a Tear in Our Grace

Even though I couldn't see you, I could see how hurt you were when I told you I had to leave. It pained me to see that image. I know everything is hard, but I will try as hard as I can and as long as I have to to make sure you only have a smile on your face. I don't want a fake either, Ohio, you never have to hide anything from me. I want us to continue saying whats on our mind. Our love to be enveloped by truth and trust. I can't imagine ever lying to you, even a small white lie. You trust me so much, I know by the actions you've done.

Everything you've done sends so many messages to me. Your trust for me. Your dreams are my dreams. Your life is my life. I'll do anything for us. For you. Us. Our children. All of you mean everything to me. I can't wait to fulfill all my promises to you. Us traveling, rawring, living, enjoying all sorts of sights, taking beautiful pictures. We might need another closet solely for our pictures. Unless we get a dark room and keep them there. We might have to build our own home. A closet for your outfits, a gun room, dark room, possibly another closet where I'm sure you'll fill up with something. A living room, kitchen, den, dining room, our bedroom, guest rooms, the Boo's rooms...

5 a.m. Finally a chance to write to you. Forgive me for making you cry Ohio. You know I never want that. My dearest, if we were closer, I honestly would raise hell till I got the schedule I wanted or I'd find a new job where I'd get to spend time with you. I know I've told you countless times, but I can honestly say, I've never attempted to push you away. I've been completely honest with you the moment I meet you to when I told you I loved you up to now and forever. We were meant to be? Someone so beautiful as you who could put any Goddess to shame could love me. Why you don't believe me that you are beautiful baffles me. How you can't see the beauty I see, I don't know. But I'm going to try my hardest to make our wedding as pure as our love and try to get it even a hint of your beauty. It aches me to know that after a long tiresome day, you lie in bed shedding tears because of me.

I promise to forever be by your side in anything you do because that is the vow I take. To be your life partner, only yours. I found the one and only who has shown me the beauty of the world in her eyes and smiles. The sweetest of melodies in her voice and heartbeat. The realization that something so complicated as love exists between two people who love each other unconditionally.