Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Falling Lower
3:00 p.m. I'm not happy unless I'm alone with you. I really can not stand my life anymore Ohio. I hate everyone and everything around me. The only time I feel any sense of peace is when I lock myself away from the world in complete darkness. Though that only lasts for so long before I begin to feel painfully alone until I hear from you. Honestly, I've thought of ending it all, one way or another. Dying is easy, living is hard. But I'm tired of "living" with you only being a thought or a voice behind a phone call. I don't care if its selfish of me. I need something physically tangible of an interaction to exist between us. I need to be able to hold you, kiss you, let you out of my arms only to realize how much that hurts and pull you back closer. I honestly don't know how much longer I can fake this smile or keep pretending I'm alright.
Posted by #7 at 8:48:00 PM 0 comments
Labels: Falling
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Small Moments In Life
You never responded to my messages as to why my last post made you really sad? I'm sorry that it saddened you. Babe, I never want to know or see you cry. I apologize but those are just thoughts I've had. I want to be completely honest with you. I always have and always will.
Posted by #7 at 11:12:00 PM 0 comments
Labels: Forever and Always, Ohio, Texas
Saturday, June 12, 2010
We Don't Have to Get Married... But I'm still In Love with You
The Bearer of Bad News, as always. Ohio, just because I talked to the manager that I wanted out doesn't mean I'll be able to. They still need to find someone to replace me before I can stop doing overnights; until then I have to continue. Sadly this damnation can continue for months before anyone might be willing to go through this.
Posted by #7 at 7:09:00 PM 0 comments
Friday, June 11, 2010
My Last Moments with You
11:00 p.m.
Just saw a guy buy those animal silly rubber bands you told me about that you bought/wear. I got both happy and sad at the same time, my heart lightened my life yet brought the realization back. I should be home right now talking to you. Not here at work doing overnights. Sometimes I wish I got fired so I HAD to go back home and school...
Posted by #7 at 8:52:00 PM 0 comments
Labels: Forever and Always, Love, Ohio, Texas
I'll Be Your King, and you... You will be my Queen
How is it possible I could care for you or, in time, the kids? I can't even control my life right now. I have a nowhere job. No schooling. No positive habits. I'm 21 years old with nothing to show for my life. I can't help you or even my mum. She is back home struggling to stay on top of things. I'm here doing the same. How can I help her when I can't do anything except the same thing she is doing? I came here to go to school, I've only stepped in college once, and it wasn't even to register. I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of only working. I hate to spend the whole day sleeping only to get up and go to work. I need my life in control. I need to know I can take care of you, my mum, and the kids. I need to know that truth. I really do, Ohio.
Posted by #7 at 8:38:00 PM 0 comments
Labels: Forever and Always, Love, Ohio, Texas
Its Cold Down In The Bottom
My dear. I hate this. They already made the schedule to the end of the month. I am overnight. I am beyond aggravated. The manager who controls the schedule is on vacation so I can't tell her to take me off overnights. As much as I enjoy the sense of peace and quiet that comes with working overnights, not being able to talk to you or my mum greatly outweighs its tranquility. This week that I had off, I tried as much to talk to you, but I felt hellish all week. Got headaches, body aches, sick most of the week. My mum had called me during the week, but I was either asleep or cranky/sick to talk with her. I know you mean well when you push me back to school...
Posted by #7 at 8:19:00 PM 0 comments
Labels: Ohio, Reflection, Texas, Thoughts
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The Gods will Shed a Tear in Our Grace
Even though I couldn't see you, I could see how hurt you were when I told you I had to leave. It pained me to see that image. I know everything is hard, but I will try as hard as I can and as long as I have to to make sure you only have a smile on your face. I don't want a fake either, Ohio, you never have to hide anything from me. I want us to continue saying whats on our mind. Our love to be enveloped by truth and trust. I can't imagine ever lying to you, even a small white lie. You trust me so much, I know by the actions you've done.
Posted by #7 at 12:08:00 AM 0 comments
Labels: Forever and Always, Love, Ohio, Texas
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Nothing But Love Between Us
3:30 a.m. Break Time. Half Time. Sleep Time. All sorts of things happening at different continuous, infinite space of time. Do we really understand the concept behind space and time? What if everyone perceives time differently, who's correct in the matter? How interesting I'm on my break, which happens to be about halfway through my shift and you are sleeping soundly. Again, would life be easier or harder for both or either of us if we were finally together.
Posted by #7 at 8:42:00 PM 0 comments
Inner Sinner
First overnight shift and even before going in I'm in a sour mood. I worked late last night. I should have slept in, but I didn't. I figured I'd wake up to be able to talk to you. That wasn't the case at all today. I understand you had your exam(s) and I'm proud of you for putting school first, but you knew I started overnight today. All day today I've gotten a handful of messages from you. Now, at the movies, you say you text, but I've gotten nothing. I send you close to 3 to 5 messages for your one response.I love that you are having fun with your friends and having a life. Maybe it's about time I cease bothering you and try to control mine.
Posted by #7 at 7:44:00 PM 0 comments