Techy Tech Tech

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies.

I write from you from foreign soil. By soil, I mean Lynday's computer on the other side of the apartment. Sadly my desktop might actually have to be put to Rest In Piece. It keeps turning off within 5 or so mins of being on so I am thinking I might need a new power supply; but I'm not a tech person so I don't really know.

Hopefully my hours at [crap] work get back straight again so I can have enough money to start building a new one up again. Starting with a power supply, next to motherboard, processor, memory, maybe a new hard drive. Finally a monitor. Either way, I have bills to pay so this might take longer than expected.

Speaking longer than expected. I STILL don't have my car. It's been well over a year and I am raging. I need that car to go to school and hopefully find a better job. Lets face it, minimum wage for doing a lot of different departments just isn't cutting it or my picnic in the woods. I don't see how management or corporation could be so stupid and blind and money hungry to try to treat everyone the same.

On a different note. WET. Xbox. I has it. I passed it once already. Finished some of the achievements. Now I'm a playing it again in a harder difficulty. Tempted to go to GameStop and trade it in for Tekken 6, or Street Fighter, or something else. But meh, I haven't decided yet. Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't. I should be a responsible adult and sell it to GameStop for the money for bills. I shouldn't have bought it in the first place, but I really wanted to play it. Its like Max Payne. Only female version with a sword and guns. :D

Recap. Computer. Busted. Paying to play WoW. Not playing. Car. Don't have it yet. Apparently uncle decided to paint it. Not sure the color. WET. Fun little game. Might trade it in. Not sure.

Evolution

3:23 pm. I know we are suppose to love each other for and by the way we are, but is it so wrong to try to change someone? Even if you mean for the better? I can't help but think maybe, they were right... I should've waited. Are we really compatible? Can we make this work? Nothing is every 50/50, someone always try more than the other person.

Maybe your just overthinking this? You just need to relax. Alot has happened these past few days and you just need to breathe and handle everything on a day-by-day basis. You can't carry the burden of the world on your shoulders every single day.

How can I handle it all by solely living in the present? What about the future? I enjoy the little moments that are happening at this exact moment, how could I not? But... what about the future I want, need, deserve to give others? How can I explain to them or my family that I was too busy living in the realization of the moment to think of anything else? To worry about what might happen 5 years from now?

Though I know I can't think of all the answers to the countless questions I have racing through my mind. I can't help but wonder about it all. Maybe, I shouldn't have risked it; and if I didn't, what if I missed something beautiful later on? How can I live without knowing whats in store for me?

Do I regret this decision... I'm not entirely sure. Was this a short-termed fix? I don't know. How long can this possibly last? Forever perhaps. I'm willing to try everything I can to make this work, because though it may not seem like it, I truly care for you. I'm always there for you, not because I want something in return; because I want you to know you have someone here, in the flesh that cares for you and would do anything to keep you happy.

Something is in motion right now that I can not understand, how could I? I'm not a critical thinker. I can feel this... mass energy pushing my body apart, ripping it to shreds. Trying to escape, warm me, show me the errors of my ways.

Ugh, the stretch of your disgusting taste of a hobby. I told you the rules. I gave you the choice. You chose to go against me, now... what's left, me raging, you killing yourself from the inside out. If you really wanted to destroy your body, I'd do it. I've committed pain and torment from the inside of your body before, why not now? Is it because I did in fact teach you how to be stronger? Enclose yourself behind a wall? Or did you really in fact break me... again?

3:42 pm. This is a new developement.