A Lengthy Piece

My Asylum

How can it be that the most reserved of individuals may be some of the most trustworthy ones? Undoubtedly the truth behind the complexity of a true friendship is unknown. The difference between a true friend and any known acquaintance can be very easily seen; though to understand what it is to have a true friend, one must trust that person and be there for them to earn their friendship and trust.

'We all have our secrets. It's best to keep a bit of ourselves enclosed until we know who we can trust.' "Yea, I know what you mean. That's why I find it difficult to trust anyone who I just meet and it takes a lot to gain trust and become a friend." A simple conversation that led to the complex topic of the truth behind a friend, but not just any friend who you can call up or hang out – no someone you can call at 4:00 in the morning just wanting to talk to about a problem that you find severe. Acquaintances can be met throughout life, yet as the years pass by, the ability to see who is a true friend, the one's whose friendship is something priceless, reveals itself.

A 'normal', complex, independent, critical thinker who may not be emotional stable, yet I earned her trust and she earned mine; someone who I can trust with my life and all my problems. Thoughts of the difference between an acquaintance and friend are simple, "I only consider those I trust friends, everyone else, although I get along with them, don't mean enough to me to be considered friends." The main characteristic that is composed of any true friendship is trust. The "trusted", who can be told anything and everything to; that type of trust is gained and earned through actions, loyalty, and observations over time. Is it wrong to be withdrawn and cease of speaking of your past to your 'friends'? Only those who have won over trust and showed they care are the 'trusted'. "Unless I really trust someone I hate to sit and talk about myself. Not as open as I seem. Even those who know me best don't know everything about me." Quite revealing, to so calmly speak about that even those who know someone best, doesn't know everything. What I do know is this, everyone holds their secrets, even the most trustworthy of friends don't know everything about someone, there is still some 'fine print' to Lynda I have yet to uncover. In hopes, I turned to her 'trusted'.

Kassy, longest known friend and in some regard, 'sister', acknowledged her reserved socially and emotionally. "It depends on the person… most people are like that, it takes awhile to warm up to someone. At first she doesn't just let loose, people have to GAIN her trust." This relationship lasted so long throughout the years because of the structure of honesty, and truth they place upon each other since they 'hit it off'. What about distance, and times of no communication between individuals, what holds those bonds together? A perfect example is Mike, middle-school friend, holds her dearly, "she and I are like brother and sister… I care for her like a sister and I practically consider her my family." Complex and strange, yet it's trust that holds their bond so close together. How can Mike know so much about you, a brother-sister relationship perhaps? "In a way yes, can't really explain it. We're incredibly close, it's actually kind of funny. We won't talk for long periods of time and then start talking again after months, even years later, and it's like we never left each other. Yet, the reason I don't consider him my brother is because with a brother, there are certain things you hold back on saying. I tell my real brother a lot of things, but not a lot of personal ones like I easily tell Mike." Even family is kept from one's secrets, yet some of us have our reasons, especially when the family issues influence one's mentality.

Lynda's emotionally instability can be traced to her childhood since she "grew up poorer than dirt, father telling me 'I'm a worthless piece of shit, the one and only time I ever saw him (I was 6) and my mother kicking me out of the house (her infamous 'I should have had an abortion' comment.) Though, they don't seem so bad. I don't care an awful lot for my parents or about a lot of things actually. The one time I was in a stable family I freaked out. It wasn't for me, in fact, made me more rebellious; to an extent of course. I still respect my grandparents an awful lot… though I've screwed up with them as well." The family's influence on an individuals' mentality is greater than one thinks, though we may not consider it, its there, and it leaves its marks. Yet, whether we overcome them or not – that decision is entirely up to us, and in doing so will make us much more independent. "After a certain point, I started to downgrade certain emotional problems that would be huge for some people, helps to block them out or ignore them." Now, the influence of the family places an important role, and a strong one in fact, what about the influence of classmates or anyone else we socialize for that matter?

George, who simply was a friend turned into someone grand in her life that the only way to describe the relationship between them was simply "a smile to that one. That's the only way I can describe it. He makes me happier than I've ever been." The difference between a friendship and a relationship of attraction is not only trust, but communication and being open with each other. Keeping secrets may result in consequences, but some secrets are best kept, but it's "not that I keep them to myself, it's just that I don't know, I can't find a reason to bring them up. I love him, and I tell him everything. It just takes a while." Everyone has been hurt before by their 'loves' and its hard to think we can trust someone enough to give our heart to, but sometimes its our past that haunts us and our actions show it. The conversation between George and Lynda that led to their current relationship shows the reservation of Lynda towards having feelings with others. "She told me how she felt about me and RAN UP THE STAIRS. The next night, I told her that I felt the same way. I asked her and she asked if I was sure. I wasn't going to give up this chance even though she would live far away. So yeah – the distance is a bitch, but we are sure making this work." George has been there for Lynda, he shows the characteristics of a caring boyfriend that understands the needs of someone, "whenever there is something wrong with her, there is something wrong with me." The influence of George has on Lynda may not be seen now, but in time, they will be revealed. "Her mentality in this is that she knows she has some one else to help and care for her. Yes, she seems to value life and she really cares about the people that are close to her. Sometimes she gets so pessimistic about school, and it bothers me, but she knows she has no option but to try harder." Though, not all of our most trusted friends are quiet the optimistic. There will always be that one person we know that though they may be pessimistic on many things, we share MANY common personal gears of thought with them.

Here's where I'm welcomed into this grand story. I see myself in Lynda. She's everything I am, [excluding the physical tendencies with each have], within a petite body. The instability, strength of mind, views, attitude, pessimistic ways, procrastination, and the social mentality of a 'rebellious teenager'. Maybe it's because of this I am one of her 'trusted'. The fact that I trust her enough to go to her with my problems of relationships or just when I'm feeling down; she understands me and knows where I'm coming from, adds to the fact that she is able to trust me. She's been there, she'll always be there, and as long as I have someone who I can trust with, I know I'll be there for her. Amongst our friends, we've been told we are 'one in the same'. Yet again, without the physical features we have in difference, but our mentality and attitude as well as our outlook on life.

So how it that someone so 'normal', just another college student can be so interesting enough to write about? It's the fact that she is anything than normal. She doesn't just think, but her 3-dimensional thinking on situations, her past that she overcame, and the ability to gain the trust of someone just as reserved as she is, is what brought this anecdote. She may not be anything like a hero or a professional, yet she's done something only a few have accomplished with me, I trust her and will always be there for her. I learned some things from Lynda. No matter how it is possible to be hurt by those closest to us, we will always find some individuals who will care about us. I became more open and giving others a try, though I may still be reserved at times, I observe every single detail and aspect of a person before I even begin to think of befriending them.